Comments

comments:

My Space --genrmac, Thu, 26 Jan 2006 15:12:07 -0500 reply
I can relate to the way your got your car because my daughter received hers in much the same way: 1992 Honda Accord from her grandfather. The good news is your car's history is all about family. You might want to inject some of that past history, maybe something about how you felt when you rode in the car with your grandmother (when it was new)and then something about when the car belonged to your mom. I liked your detail--I think you talked about everything except the tires and the engine. The Chick-fil-A Bag made me laugh because fast food artifacts from my teenagers litter my car. I really enjoyed your humorous comments; they made your writing more personal. You could probably use each new subject, the backseat, the dash board, the scratches, as separate links maybe even providing pictures to go with your narrative. As for the golf clubs, better get them out of the trunk--temperature fluctuations do some nasty things to sporting equipment like golf clubs, baseball bats, and tennis racquets! Genny McCutcheon?

Good Job! --rreed200, Thu, 26 Jan 2006 15:14:57 -0500 reply
You did a very good job at organizing the information. Though you created a graphic picture for your reader, you could have gone a little more indepth in describing the color, shape, etc. of the items. Otherwise, this is very well written and really grabs ahold of who you are and allows others to see that your car is only an extension of you.

My Space --sbaldwin, Fri, 03 Feb 2006 00:38:12 -0500 reply
Matt:

A good start. I think you should work from details about the car to personal memories/associations.

I've got a '92 Camry. It's got stickers etc. from previous owners. How is your car marked by its previous ownership? If it's not, what did you do to erase that, and why?

The second paragraph suggests several stories tied to accidents. It also suggest something about how you reacted to these; also, it says something about how you view yourself in terms of the car - i.e. it's no BMW or Lexus, so what is it? and how does that affect your sense of yourself?

The parking tickets tell a story. There's something about your getting the tickets - how? - and then about your refusal to pay the university.

When you conclude by hearing that the onlooker would see you in the car, well certainly we see that you play sports and so on. What about personality? Who does the car suggest you are?

Envy --JMurray53?, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:12:25 -0500 reply
That is really cool that you played a round of golf at Bethpage Black. I thought you did a good job of organizing your information, and describing everything in your car. Even thought it's not a BMW or a Lexus, it sounds like you really like your car and that its contents say a lot about you. I can relate to that.

Good Job --primowvu, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:17:53 -0500 reply
I liked the shout out to Chick Fil A. This space was well organized and the links provided good background stories. Your car sounds like it has it's own personality which is cool. The CD case story couldn't be more true.

Good Start --kkline, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:22:59 -0500 reply
I think there's lots of stuff that are interesting enough for you to expand on if you want; for example, I think (if you like this) you could talk about mechanics. I was expecting details about doing your oen oil change or something where the jiffylube link is. If not maybe talk more about golf, I don't go to the courses much anymore, but I love the range. I'd like to see more about this. Good topics.

Response 2/14 --rsaffel, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:35:13 -0500 reply
Isn't it strange how much a car can say about it's owner? As soon as someone spots your car, regardless of whether they have seen your face still know that it is you driving. A car does say alot about a person, even if it is just a hand me down you still have a lot of time spent traveling in that vehicle. I look forward to seeing where your writing space goes.

response --sbaldwin, Tue, 28 Feb 2006 12:21:33 -0500 reply
Matt:

This is a good start. I’m offering a few thoughts towards expanding your space.

I like that you’re working on your car. A cool space to consider – and the writing is very enjoyable so far. As a rule, make the reader “see” what you’re describing. In general, you do a good job with this – a lot of great details. Also, think more about lateral links, i.e. not just going deep but links between nodes.

I like the sense that they “see you” in the car, but can you elaborate this? What is it about the car that is you and what is the message people see? That you are a classic? A mess? What…? Some combination, I suppose, but ok what “you” do they get?

Some of this goes with the car being a hand-me-down from your family. “I don’t drive a Lexus, BMW, or a Mercedes Benz,” you write. My 1991 Toyota Camry isn’t fast or fancy.” OK, so what does this say about you?

Somehow your nodes are not backlinking to the “space” page, perhaps because you didn’t make stubs initially? Either way, you should add links to the nodes so readers can get back to the “space” page. Simply add a link at the beginning of a given node, something like

Back to my “space”:space

response from sandy --sbaldwin, Tue, 11 Apr 2006 10:47:50 -0400 reply
Matt:

This looks good.

-You need to fix the link on your home page. Make it link to Space with a capital S. This is messing up the links in your space.

• The narrative on your main page is great. But consider breaking it up a bit more. I might keep only the first paragraph on the first page and move the rest to a separate page. This would move from the central image of the Camry to a description of it. Also, consider formatting your text more - bold, color, etc.
• On the first page, the narrative is in actually in the comments section. Cut and paste it out of there into the top of the page -- simply edit the page and cut the narrative, paste it on top. Then move the actual comments to a separate page.
• The car is the organizing image or metaphor for the whole space. This is great. I like the way you've worked with lateral links to keep this all together. As you expand, always keep this organizing image in mind. You want the readers' experience to be guided via the image of the car.
• You've done a nice job making each page a story both about the car and about you. Elaborate the stories wherever possible. Think about adding more in relation to the images, i.e. are there details in the images that you can reflect on in the stories? So, tell the stories and reflect on them. And so on... As you elaborate the story, add details in relation to the image - make image and story work together.
• A good start with the images of your car. Consider reformatting them to be smaller - I would make them half as big. The CD Case picture, for example, is a good size. Then the image will still be just as visual and effective, and you can work them into the text more.

Let me know if you have questions or want to discuss this.

response by sandy --sbaldwin, Tue, 02 May 2006 00:50:01 -0400 reply
Matt: Looks good.

• The car is great organizing principle. The whole project is well organized and guides the user's experience. You've combined this organization this with really enjoyable and perceptive writing.
• The videos are great. The "cruisin.mov" takes a long time to load. You might try re-saving using a lower quality setting.
• A few links aren't working. (e.g. "driveway")
• Check spelling too!

Good job overall. This is in the low A range.