Comment on My Space

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comments:

response and comments --sbaldwin, Thu, 02 Feb 2006 08:49:30 -0500 reply
Julia: Terrific detail in this. It's worth reflecting on the different types of things around the bed - things like Chap stick or tissues, but also pictures - so, perhaps "necessary" things and preferential things (which are necessary in another way). Having a calendar / planner by the bed is interesting: of course, it makes perfect sense, but it makes sense because it means the beginning of the day (and the end) are immediately structured by looking at that calendar and by the organization of your time it represents. So, the entire day is framed by the calendar.

The picture - which you dwell on next - is a different kind of frame for your day, as you note. How do pictures like this work in our rooms? Them bring thoughts, memories - all of which are reassuring, tell us who we are, let us reflect. So, the picture is a way of bringing stories into the room.

Collage: the collage technique of mixing and contrasting is a kind of version of the room, in a way... different genres of picture and information, brought together to present a picture of - of what? Well, not strictly you, but different angles on you? Something like that?

I can picture the wall covered with cards etc. I wonder if you could describe what it looks like to you - what image describes the wall? Isn't this wall a perfect instance of transforming the room into a lived space?

I like the sense of organizing the clothes etc in terms of importance. This reinforces the sense that the room reflects your preferences and needs.

A lot to work with here!

Good Job! --rreed200, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:07:22 -0500 reply
Your space sounds great! You described it in great detail and allows your reader to visualize it rather easily. You may want to add what movies are your favorites? what books? I liked that you mentioned the things that you keep hidden -- the things that are sentimental to you. I do the same thing! It's kind of funny how I see myself doing a lot of the same things that you do in your room -- i.e. hanging up cards that are sent to me; having lots of pictures, etc. Overall, I think this is a very well written peice.

Space 2 --eschnei1, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:16:38 -0500 reply
Looks like your progressing nicely with your space. Through your writing and taxonomy, your room becomes a photo album. It's clear that you're a very sentimental person.

It'd be nice to see some of the more mundane objects in your room. Perhaps you could zoom in on a few objects that don't necessarily lead to thoughts of loved ones; instead, they might lead to reflections on your everyday activities.

It's also be cool to see your taxonomy link more as the page expands.

Nice work. It's very clear what's important in your life through the way you choose to display your room.

Nice job --mpearl, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:33:53 -0500 reply
You provide a lot of detail about your room. It helps paint a good picture of what it is actually like. Your links expand your space nicely, and lets the reader know more about you. You talk about your friends and your family and it shows what kind of person you are. You did a good job doing some reflection and telling about yourself. I like the way your pages are designed and linked together. A lot of the links are coming off of your original space, but there are a few coming from other linked pages. It is a nice balance. You say you watch a lot of DVDs? and you seem to have a lot of them so you could maybe add a DVD page and talk about movies. You could talk about your favorite movie, least favorite movie, kinds of movies, etc.... I like how at the end of your space you mention there are more things in your room, but you didn't want to talk about them because they are rarely used or private. You told a lot about yourself and your room, but it shows that there is still more. Good job overall. One thing you could maybe add is linking everything a little more, making kind of a web. Try to link most of the pages back to the main one if you want to.

... --BoWVU123?, Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:33:50 -0500 reply
I like the transition you make in skipping back from your mother and brother back to the original sites. Good job.

your space --sbaldwin, Tue, 21 Feb 2006 13:42:33 -0500 reply
Great job overall.

I think there’s a lot of clear places to add images.

Consider adding stories about your brothers? And/or your friends? How did you meet them? Expand so we’re getting more information, more of a web about you.

I wonder whether you can include more physical detail linked off the main page – I mean, descriptive detail about the room. We go really quickly to friends and family, and this is fine except we lose some of the organizing “species” of the room – i.e. the space of the room fades. I think it will help some to add images, but still I wonder whether there’s ways to do more with the text and description. For example, the collages: what do they look like? How big? What colors? Where on the wall? Same for the bed… and so on. You describe them some but I still don’t feel like I “see” them.

My reaction is similar to some of the other nodes. For example, “Work” states that you are a cake decorator, but I don’t really get a sense of what’s involved. Fill in the details. Same with day care – perhaps describe some of the work there?

In general, think of adding physical detail. Help us to see your room.

Thinking about the clothes racks: there’s more to discuss here. For example, the flip flops: they’re worn down but you don’t throw them out. Why? Think about when/why you use them. Tell the story of the flip flops (however much or little).

Of course, as readers we’re curious about the things that end up in your drawers. If you can’t describe the personal, sentimental stuff, can you give a related example? Are there any things of that sort visible in the room?

Image Response --mgianola, Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:21:12 -0500 reply
I love that you have the actual pictures of your space on your webpage. It allows the reader to imagine the space and then look at the pictures and see if htey imagined the space correctly.

As far as detail goes, some of the nodes need a little more. For instance, what did the bed look like when your brother had it? Did he have the same sheets, etc.? Does the nightstand have any significance? Could you live without it or it is very functional and you rely on it to hold your lamp, alarm clock, etc.? Did you build the nightstand?

The node on pictures, cards, and drawings leaves a lot of room for elaboration that should be taken advantage of. Pictures and drawings of what? Who drew them? Do they hold meaning to you and why? Are they arranged in any particular order? Is there a theme among all of these objects?

Family and friends can also be more detialed. Why is your mother so wonderful, because she is your mom or because she is special? Who is older, Nick or Mike? Do they act as father figures and try to protect you? Why are they such an important part of your space?

This is a good start. Like I said before it is very nice that you have the actual pictures up. They are sized well also, not overwhelming. I think the only thing that needs to be elaborated on is the detail within your nodes. Especially now that you have pictures, it feels like the reader kind of got gypped on detail within the writintg itself. :)

MY BED --jfrye, Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:33:58 -0500 reply
From Mdietrich Tue Mar 21 15:06:39 -0500 2006 From: Mdietrich Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:06:39 -0500 Subject: comments Message-ID: <20060321150639-0500@www.as.wvu.edu:8000>

I think you can really elaborate on the evolution of the bed, which is now yours, and used to be your brother's. This could be a really good story here, what did it look like then? what does it look like now? How does it feel? Is it comfortable? How much time do you spend in it?

Here are a list of words- change, comfort, room Here is Bo's list of words- college, apartment, fluffy This is a good start, the more elaboration the better. I really really like your bedspread by the way. Your room seems neat and organized.

response from sandy --sbaldwin, Wed, 12 Apr 2006 13:01:29 -0400 reply
Julia:

This is coming along well. I'm offering some suggestions on how to develop it.

The movie collection is great. What a neat list. This is one part of what works well here: we get a kind of spectrum or collage on you!

The first page (MySpace) is long and a lot of text. Think about ways of making it more readable - readers often won't read this much on a computer.

• One way is formatting. You've broken it into paragraphs already, but consider adding bold, italics, color, etc. You could also add images to this first page.
• Another way is to move some of this to other pages. For example, keep the first paragraph on this page, cut the rest onto other pages. You could keep it linear: the reader finishes the current first paragraph and then can click a link to go to the next page with the current second paragraph (beginning "In all I have"), and so on. And you keep the other links in the text that lead out on other paths. That way the text would break into a series of manageable chunks.

Now, the guiding image or organizing principle is your bedroom, obviously. You've done a great job describing this space in detail, making it vivid and making the reader "see" it. The thing now is to bring out the experience you want to convey, i.e. what idea or story or narrative is being told in this space? Of course it's something about you, but the thing now is to try and specify more, foreground this, and so on.

One direction is memory - the relation between memory as something personal and internal (in our head) and memory as something external and represented (i.e. we like to have photos and so on). What I mean here is the way we need a space like this as part of / an extension of our inner memory. A room like this is more than just a built space but becomes something lived in specific ways. You could discuss that, reflect on it more. I think you're already do this to a degree - I'm merely suggesting that you look for chances to expand on this kind of reflection.

Thinking about this, your writing indicates a distinction between these memory-oriented things in the room and functional work-oriented things. You might consider how Perec talks about this - about the range of "functions" in his room and desk. So, his essay might be a good model for this kind of reflection.

Another thought: the collages are sort of image of this notion, i.e. they're elements in your room but composed of pictures of friends and memories. Perhaps you could put one or more of the collages on the main page? And somehow make the collages be the images that organize that main page and your reflection on memory and things?

Given that most of the objects in the room are tied to stories, for example the bed being your brother's bed, you might reflect on this in your writing. Again, this goes along with my suggestions above. You would consider the way a built space becomes a lived space, and with this the way objects become tied to stories.

In terms of these individual pages, think about elaborating/extending the stories wherever you can. One way to approach this is to try to tell a story of how something happened. For example, you got the bed from your brother - who moved it? was it hard to move? Or tell more about your brother. Surely you must have a favorite memory about him?

Again, this looks good overall. But these are possible suggestions for developing and deepening your space.

Also, write some in relation to the images. For example the nightstand or the cards - don't leave the images to speak for themselves but write about them. What details or features strike you about a given picture? (say, of your nightstand) What is the story behind the picture? (say, of you and your brother). Begin to write so the text and images inter-relate and built on each other.

response --sbaldwin, Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:09:38 -0400 reply
Julia: My remarks are pretty much the same. I think your writing is still in need of expansion, as are the images and video. At this point, I'd say the project is in the B range - look at the number of images and videos. Adding and expanding on these things, with writing in and around them, would raise your grade.

Sandy